So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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