i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
