apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
