i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
