but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
