Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
