I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
