i already hear my dad disowning me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
4 words: hood of his car
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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