I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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