i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
