she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
