Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
