My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is my gift to your gina
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
