sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
