No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
