If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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