Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
