and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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