Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
