He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
