You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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