If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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