i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
