Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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