i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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