I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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