I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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