I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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