we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
