Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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