Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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