Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
