Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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