just come out here and I will go home with you...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
