Kiss
Puke
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
