I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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