if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am spending my child support on dildos
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
