well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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