No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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