he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
