I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My penis needs a shock collar
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
