btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
