It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
