Duck Duck Cougar?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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