I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
