Are we in a gay sports bar?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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