So many bounce houses so little time
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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