It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
