She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
