when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
