You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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