my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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