with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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