My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
