I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
