Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize