you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
