come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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