At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize