He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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