i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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