And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
