Nicole vs. Life
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
