I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
