miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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