everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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