I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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