Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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