I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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