Already got asked if we're dating
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Panties = found
Randomize
