Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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