just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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