if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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