is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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