I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize