I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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