My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
