No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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