I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
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I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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